SAKS HAS YOUR WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN AND WHY OF FOOTWEAR NAILED FOR SPRING
Contrary to popular belief, this is not a barefoot barbecue! Hell no. This is a shoe-on sort of establishment (do what you will with your shirts). The thing, because it’s spring, is a wardrobe pulling itself in all directions: a blazer for your cold shoulders, shorts for your Vitamin D deficient legs — so what you need are good shoes to ground you.
And let’s make them sandals, because it’s time to show your toes.
So that leaves the question of what strappy sandies you should buy. There’s a world wide web out there pushing “200 spring styles,” which is nice, and I appreciate the effort, except online shopping should be a quick procrastination. Good for you with your 200 shoes but I do not have the time.
If we’re measuring cups of sugar in minutes, I have five. And if you’ve ever taken a journalism class then you know that the only other thing (especially when it comes to feet) are the Five W’s: who, what, where, when and why.
Who: Anyone who has ever fantasized about having high tea with the queen but fears “yasss” would slip out uncharacteristically upon royal introduction, like accidentally saying “y’all.”
Where: Hard tea with your friends at an outdoor spot that lets you bring your own spike.
When: The minute you’re ready for cutoff jorts.
Why: They’ll make you feel put together, and no one can fact check that.
Who: Anyone who wishes they were a little bit taller, who may already be a baller.
Where: The kind of party that behooves you to see at least your friends’ eyebrows as opposed to their kneecaps.
When: Any time you want to wear fitted overalls but don’t want Amber from Clueless to liken you to a farmer.
Why: They’ll confuse those who take overalls literally, perhaps even yourself, and thus will make putting on pants more fun.
Who: Anyone who feels like their most authentic self when dressed like a ballerina on spring break.
Where: The Tulum of Russia (yet to be discovered, which means adventure and opportunity!)
When: With calf-length skirts and dresses, sort of like Leandra’s lace ups in this post.
Why: You have an awful lot of questions for someone who is shoe shopping!!
Who: Anyone who only brings one pair of shoes with her on vacation.
Where: A destination by the water where the restaurants promise either free chips and guacamole, free chips and salsa, free olives or free-falling in love with your hot waiter who owns a vespa.
When: With those sundresses you bought prematurely, or your Bermuda shorts.
Why: Because your feet deserve to be basically naked.
Who: Anyone channeling Bianca Jagger in a disco.
Where: Not a disco, actually, because then you’d seem in-costume. Wear these with cropped, high waist flares. Promise you won’t look 70s because the coloring is nice and Art Deco.
When: You want to wear jeans but still need to look a little dressed up. Just in case a party happens.
Why: Because the definition of “party” is relative. Grab your best friend, a balloon plus these shoes; Instant fête.
As for the how? Uhm. Ok. Step one: make sure you do not have another pair of shoes on your feet. Step two: put your foot in vacant shoe. Step three: lace up, strap on or buckle in. Step four: GO OUTSIDE. It’s spring!